Now of course it’s easy for me, as an outside observer, to help my friend discover the problem and allow him to come up with a solution (phone them up and ask!), but I know we all have things in our lives that we want to do but don’t purely because we don’t know what’s involved.

“Hypnosis in Gravesend”

I’d always wanted to learn hypnosis but had never done anything about it because I’d no idea what was involved. One day I just happened to be in the right frame of mind and I casually Googled hypnosis training in Gravesend and guess what: There was a course running not far away and at a price and time I could afford. It didn’t take much thinking to sign up after that.

Fear holds us back from so many things, but so seldom do we realize that the “fear” is not in the doing or becoming whatever it is: it is the fear of the unknown process of getting there!

Think of something that you really want to do but haven’t. Get a new job? Go on a trans-European holiday? Learn a new language?

Now ask yourself what is it that is holding you back from that and what you would like to have happen.

Could it be that you don’t know what is available, how to organize it, where to go that is the problem? In other words; could be the mystery, the lack of knowledge, which is what you’re afraid of? It’s not the holiday or the job or the language that is scary is it, so it must be the organising of the holiday, the “finding” of the job and the fact that you don’t even know if there is somewhere nearby that even teaches languages.

Diminish the power of the unknown with knowledge

This year, why not choose one of those things that you always promise yourself you’d do and rather than promise yourself that you’ll do it, simply find out what is involved. Choose a starting point and go from there. I bet you’ll find it’s not as difficult as you imagine.

Hypnotist Ben White demonstrating the power of imagination

With a background in business analysis and customer relationship management, one could say I’ve been helping businesses get to grips and install better ways of thinking for a long time. Throw into the mix hypnosis, NLP, IEMT and Provocative Change Works and you find yourself reading about someone who achieves change with people individually and as an organisation. On this site, you’ll discover the personal side of Ben and if you continue reading, you see he’s pretty dedicated to finding the best way to enable you to tap into the inherent ability to change within all of us.

After my first hypnosis course I headed straight for my local post office and posted a note in the window: “Trainee hypnotist requires volunteers...” Needless to say I was literally inundated with three requests to help all of whom I worked with successfully. What a great start!

Hypnotically, I have trained with Freddy and Anthony Jacquin of the UK Hypnotherapy Training Collage on rapid hypnosis techniques as well as using hypnotic and NLP techniques with your children. This excellent series of techniques that will work with any aged child (really! I’ve used this stuff on my daughter since she was 1) to gently help in many areas from Attention Deficit Disorder to exam nerves and even simply family relations (Freddy’s branded the techniques: Potensharu).

I have studied body language and the now extremely popular Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and in 2009, I certified as a practitioner for an amazing technique called Integral Eye Movement Therapy created by Andrew T Austin. IEMT combines various NLP techniques with a structured interview approach to achieve some of the most incredible change work that simple counselling would take many many sessions to achieve.

I have trained with Norman D Vaughton (who studied with Ernest Rossi for many years) in Ideodynamic hypnosis. Norman’s approach also utilises one of my favourite techniques: Clean Language and is used to avoid polluting or influencing your processes with the my own expectations or presuppositions. The technique is therefore extremely respectful and gentle and yet very powerful in gaining you both conscious and unconscious insight and in generating lasting and sometimes dramatic change!

As you can see I’ve done quite a lot of learning!

What I am passionate about is that the power to change is within all of us and if you want to change: you can

.

Simples.

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Look me up using the Find Me Online section on the right, or simply drop me an email direct.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Ben

Helping a client in London with preparing for their upcoming appraisal, I was able to use clean language and the NLP Meta model to enable them to make discoveries about how the appraisal process could work for them rather than it being an hour where their manager gets to tell them stuff. Interestingly, my client also picked up on some of the clean language and NLP Meta model questioning methods and discovered that they would be able to use it to their advantage at the upcoming appraisal.

I thought I’d write some of the really interesting and productive bits up here to give you an idea of how it works and how you can use it yourself.

 A typical annual appraisal consists of (generally speaking) the following four elements:

• Previous appraisal objectives
• Assessment of performance against company values
• Training requirements
• Goals for coming 12 months

With these in mind, you could have a conversation with yourself:

What would I like to have happen?

I would like to receive praise from my manager.

And what kind of praise is that?

Acknowledgement of where I’ve done well, delivered above expectations, been part of the team etc.

And when acknowledgement and delivered above expectations, been part of the team, is there anything else about praise?

I would like some kind of reward.

And what kind of reward is that?

Well it doesn’t have to be a pay rise, but perhaps some kind of commitment to helping me further my career. An investment in me.

So you can see how you can really get to the bottom of what you want (which in the example above is not necessarily more money) using clean language questioning.

I’m going to skip ahead to the last part of the appraisal when your manager asks what you would like to achieve in the next 12 months. I know that a lot of people will go “umm” and “er” at this point as they genuinely aren’t sure where they want to get to or do.

Ask yourself

What would you like to have happen?

And be honest with yourself and take a note of what comes out no matter how strange or impossible it might seem. Once you have what you would like to have happen, you can then ask yourself the “what kind of..” and “is there anything else about…” questions that we started with.

Here’s some from the session I had with my client:

What would you like to have happen?

I would like to move out of technical and into sales

And what kind of move is that?

A successful one.

[Pause: Once you get into the flow of asking and answering the “what kind of...” questions, you’ll find that you’ll automatically start elaborating and expanding your answers]

I will be bringing in £200k or more and taking home 10% of that.

And what needs to happen for a successful move?

I need to be given a chance to prove that I can do it.

And is there anything else about chance?

I need an honest opportunity to show that I can do it.

And is there anything else about honest

Yes. They need to have the same belief in me that I can do it.

And when given a chance, an honest opportunity, having the same belief, is there anything else about prove?

I’ll show that I can do it.

[pause]

I’ll beat the targets set for me and bring home the bacon!

And can move happen?

Yes!

Of course there was loads more exploration about the how’s and when’s and in what order etc. but I hope this gives you an idea of how using some clean language can really help get the most out of your appraisals. And if you don’t have appraisals, why not give yourself one…

What you would like to have happen?

Book a clean session with me by calling 07818 005 123.

Read more about Clean Language use in business at X-Ray Listening.

I’m finding the whole thing incredibly powerful and I suspect I’ll be blogging about it again.

Coming from the NLP world with the meta model and such, Clean Language seems to simplify the processes even further and what I’ve seen and used is actually a much better method of questioning someone on their beliefs and frames than the Meta Model used in NLP [gasp!].

If you’ve not read it or don’t have time/intend to, then checkout the next two questions and, just as an experiment, use them in a few conversations with friends or colleagues and see what happens:

• What kind of X (is that X)?
• Is there anything else about X?

They are incredibly simple but a fantastic way of encouraging the speaker to elaborate and explain further what they mean.

The “X” represents the EXACT same words the person spoke repeated in the EXACTLY the same way with intonation, inflection, power etc.

The bit in brackets is optional and will apply in some contexts and not in others. I would trust your unconscious to provide you with it at the right time.

Take for example:

“I love Aston Villa” (I don’t btw, I’m just using it as an example)

You ask:

“What kind of ‘love’?“

The person will likely explain what they mean by “love”.

What is cool is that you can then use the same question again and again as they explain why they feel the way they do about their chosen team. Who knows: you might even discover a secret Spurs fan! (I’m not one of those either).

Lets have another example conversation:

“I’m really stressed!“

“What kind of ‘stressed’?“

“I can’t sleep properly and my eating is a mess!“

“And is there anything else about ‘stressed’?“

“Yeah, my boss keeps piling stuff onto me and I feel like I’m drowning in it!“

This initial conversation has elicited the speaker’s symptoms and perceived cause as well as their metaphor for representing how they feel about the situation. Using further clean language questioning you can properly explore all of those and allow the speaker to discover for themselves the solution to the problem even though they may not at first have been able to see (or swim for) a way out of it.

Have a listen to conversations around you and even your own words and listen out for the metaphors that we all use constantly. It is fascinating to do this because we all make assumptions about what “drowning in it” might be like, but you can pretty much guarantee that your image of that scenario will be quite different from mine. That’s where clean questioning can enable all parties in a conversation to understand each other’s metaphors and avoid making potentially incorrect assumptions about what the other person is saying.

If you are interested in reading a brief overview of Clean Language, checkout Wikipedia.